On a whim, I signed up for a box from Stitch Fix. I work in a trendy office, one that isn’t all suit in tie but also isn’t yoga pants and hoodies (I wish!) and I know some of the others sign up for various fashion subscriptions, including Stitch Fix. I usually do not trust any fashion choices to anyone else–I have a history of my mother making me try on clothes *outside* the dressing room because “No one’s watching” (only the JC Penney security guards!) and my husband coming home from a conference in Austin and suggesting that I wear a bandana around my neck because he saw it on a waitress. Like I could ever be good looking enough to work in Coyote Ugly! I would only want to be the real coyote, roaming the forest and wondering why I’m getting so much side eye from the other woodland creatures.
I tried to take some pictures but the lighting in my bedroom is so terrible, it looks like I’m a murder witness on Law & Order. “So Mona, you’re telling us he was holding the gun and you got that dress on sale?”
So I danced! Here’s to dark show music and fashion, Dick Wolf!
In dancing order, here’s what I received this month:
Abrianna Longsleeve Knit Cardigan – $48
I wasn’t so thrilled by this. It’s a cardigan, I know I need one or seven, but I could get this myself. I was excited for something new, like when I go to Denny’s and another theme menu is featured. Mona, are you comparing clothing to a chain restaurant? Yes I am and I miss the Lord of the Rings Hobbit Hole Breakfast!
Norris Split Neck Blouse – $44
I did not like this at all. It felt too loose in the tummy and with my short-waist, I look too food baby bulgy which at my age everyone will think is just a regular baby.
Sariya Jersey Dress – $74
I liked the top cut on this dress, even though it was tight around the shoulders. I look too broad. Like my body has built-in shoulder pads without the benefit of having absorbent material on my shoulder so I have something to cry into. Also, I don’t think my mom would like this dress at all and would immediately purchase a nun’s habit to drape over my cleavage. Even though I would tell her, don’t worry, there’s 4 hours left on my 18-hour bra. Nothing is falling out.
This dress has good intentions. Well-made, great fabric, but it didn’t execute correctly on my weird frame. It was too tight at the chest and then too long at the hem so it was the Stranger Things upside down world of clothing and once again, no one is looking for Barb.
Cristen Shirt Dress – $68
This would have been fine but I didn’t like the fabric around the waist. It made me look like I was wearing a top spanx and a bottom spanx and I’m too worried that someone will hug me and feel where the two meet.
So I struck out this time, I learned that I need to be more clear about my preferences–no sleeves, no old lady clothes, more form-fitting, more “Not bad for two kids.” I updated my preferences and I’ll definitely try out another box. It doesn’t hurt to have someone else look for my clothes, as long as it isn’t my mom who will buy clothes and try to recruit me into the Mount Carmel Cathedral choir.
If you’re interested in trying out a box of your own, you can lift me up Josh Groban style and use my referral link.